The Old School Tie

Written in 1983, in which two alumni of private (‘public’) schools meet after 20 years, BRONZE visiting WOOFER at home. The latter attempts to persuade BRONZE to return to politics, at which he was a wizard. It is a comedy of bad manners between two Tory-like snobs, in which they re-enact prurient school rituals and fantasize about right-wing triumphalism.

BRONZE: I dub thee Woofer of Woy Woy.
I appoint thee Minister of Mental Hygiene…and Head of Security.
A mandatory coupling of portfolios.
WOOF: What about the Arts?
BRONZE: I am the Arts.
BRONZE: I shall be Caligula, Nero and Boadicea all rolled into one. I shall
have a throne composed of the bones of`satirists and guerillas. An
orb of onyx, a sceptre of silver, and a crown of gold teeth. I shall
have a troop of eunuchs and hunchbacks to bear my sandalwood
litter. A harem of Hottentots. All the tapestries of Persia. The
tumbling gardens of Babylon. I shall be the Sardanapalus of a
Cockaigne and Avalon.
He sighs.
Daddy would have been very pleased.

The interrogation scene in this play (which is a tribute to a similar scene in Pinter’s The Birthday Party) needs an update to make it contemporary, while maintaining its absurdity.

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